Time moves slowly...

You may or may not be aware that I have recently begun teaching yoga in prison. Lowell women's correctional facility to be exact. I teach every Friday morning as long as everything goes smoothly, and today things didn't quite go smoothly. I stood in the empty room that should have been filled with prisoners enjoying yoga for the 1 hour a week that they have that opportunity, looking out the window to see if they would be released. I had plenty of time to contemplate their life.

Time moves very slowly in prison. A minute feels like 10 minutes. 10 minutes feels like an hour. An hour feels like a day. What does a week feel like? How about 12 years? Life?

The first time that I went behind the gates was quite intimidating. I don't even know how many miles and layers of barbed wire surround the perimeters, but I can tell you it's alot. It's a very different and unnerving feeling being on the inside and surrounded by all that barbed wire. Although the more I go the less I notice it. You can get used to all sorts of things. So anyway, I was also intimidated to teach for the first time. I had no idea what to expect, how the women would respond to me and treat me, and I was so completely overwhelmed by the gratitude they expressed. I left that first day with the recognition that this was the best class I had ever taught. Let me clarify, this had nothing to do with my teaching. What I mean is that this was the most attentive, appreciative, most "wanting to do well" group people that I had ever taught. These women are sweet, intelligent, and did I mention appreciative?

Each week they thank me profusely for taking the time out of my day to be there to teach them. They want to make sure that I am will be back the next week. They tell me that Friday morning yoga from 9-10 is all that they have to look forward to all week. All week. They look forward to that one hour. Meditation is also available at the prison, through the Gateless Gate, on Thursdays. So some of them have meditation on Thursday and yoga on Friday to look forward to. All week.

So I sat there today for what felt like an eternity, waiting to see if we were going to get the chance to meet and practice some yoga. I looked out the window into the prison yard, and really took it all in. All of the buildings form a square, with doors to the housing units opening into the yard. There is a tall round guard tower, equiped with guards with guns, somewhere near the middle. There are also fences surrounding the yard with plenty of barbed wire at the top. There is a basketball court. And grassy area. There are alot of prisoners here and I couldn't help but notice that the yard really wasn't that large considering the number of people that had to share it. I looked up and noticed the beauty of the sky. Today was a lovely day with blue sky and white clouds. At least they have this, I thought, though I did keep catching the distraction of the barbed wire in my view as I looked up. I found myself wondering, if I were in that yard, would I be able to just lie on my back in the grass and look up at the sky without the barb wire being in my view. Could I just escape into the clouds, if only for awhile?

There are a few flower bushes planted in a row, spaced far apart. They are orange flowers, and only a couple per bush. I couldn't help but think, "that's it?". Why not have a more abundant garden, filled with vibrant and beautiful flowers. Maybe some plants to attract butterflies. Bring in a little more life, beauty and color. The prisoners, I thought, could maintain the garden. I imagine some would love the opportunity to dig their hands into the earth, gardening is extremely therapeutic. Then I went a step further and thought how wonderful it would be if they were able to have a vegetable garden. It seems money could be saved on food if they were able to grow alot of veggies there. Imagine how much pride it would bring the prisoners to be able to eat food that they had grown with their own hands and care. But there is that issue of space in the yard........

So I stood there contemplating these things as time ticked slowly by. I watched intently the doors to the units, hoping they would open and the women would come out, and I began to wonder what it looked like behind those doors. Behind those bars. I saw the faces of the women who I knew looked forward to nothing but this one hour, and I felt their anxiousness and anticipation. I wondered if they had any idea what was holding things up; I wondered if they knew what time it was and I knew that somehow they did.

I opened my heart to them and I felt it break. I felt the pain and heaviness, sadness. I felt these women.

About 9:40 my friend and partner in this venture, Kelly, showed up. She teaches in another building and fortunately knows her way around the buildings and the system much more than I. She has been working in the prison system for a long time now, me just a month now. So she arrived and told me what was going on, that they were not letting the women out because they did not have enough guards on duty to cover the grounds due to some being in a meeting and some being needed to transport prisoners to a different section. Before we walked out the door to leave I took one last look out the window and saw that the women were released and flooding the grounds. I was so conflicted, not wanting to leave yet not being able to teach the class, we only had till 10 and it was past 9:45. I saw 2 of the women that attend my class running. Running towards the building for class. One was much closer than the other and I waited for her to arrive.

"Is class cancelled today because they wouldn't let us out?" Yes, I am so sorry that it is, our time is up. "I am dying, I am so upset, I didn't get to have yoga last week (there was a meditation retreat happening and our class was cancelled) and now I don't get to have yoga this week, you're coming back next week, right?" Yes, I am coming back next week. I will keep coming back every week. I am so sorry. "It's ok, it's not your fault, thank you so much for coming". You are welcome. And thank you. Thank you for smile, I will think of it all day. I did. All day I thought about this woman who smiled and thanked me even though we didn't have class. Even though the one thing she looks forward to all week was taken away. Even though I could feel her broken heart.

Time moves very slowly in prison. I hope that some of these can find peace by taking in the beauty and mystery of the sky without the barbed wire getting in the way. After all, it is amazing what you can get used to, and these women have plenty of time to get used to things.

from my heart to yours,
Lisa

Finding Peace in Northeast Georgia

Thich Nhat Hanh. What a beautiful and amazing spirit.

I love to read books. I could spend hours in a book store, just walking past and gently touching the spines of books, pulling out to look at the ones that draw my attention. I am never disappointed when I find a book this way. This is how I found Thich Nhat Hanh, somewhere around a year and a half ago. I pulled this book off the shelf by this Vietnamese Buddhist Monk that I had never heard of before and opened to a random page. The words on this page were captivating and beautiful. I had to get this book. I brought it home and read it, and had to learn more about this spirit who wrote it.

With all that he has contributed I was truly surprised that I had never heard of him before. I could go on and on, but that is not what this blog is about. So, to borrow a quote from Paul Davenport, "more on that later" (or you can research him yourself, visit www.plumvillage.org).

Fast forwarding to this past weekend, I had the opportunity to go to a retreat in Georgia in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh. The retreat was hosted by 2 nuns from Plum Village, and the father of one of these nuns who is also a teacher in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh. this tradition is all about mindfulness and being present, and this is what we focused on all weekend.

First I have to say that I cannot get the image of Sister Jewel, a nun who was been living the monastic life since 1997 beginning at Plum Village, out of my head. I saw her from a distance, and her smile penetrated to the root of my soul. I have never seen a more genuine, radiant, beaming smile; shining like a ray of light to hug all who could see it with warmth. This is a person who has found peace. Who is peace. Just being in her presence and the presence of Sister Peace, another beaming ray of light, was enough to bring a calming effect to my spirit. The father of Sister Jewel, Al Lingo, has peircing blue eyes that truly see you when they look. He is in his 70's yet has a youthful spirit and vigor. He has a way with words that come from many years of being a Christian minister before becoming a dharma teacher, and he has worked as a therapist for many years as well. This is a man who worked with Martin Luther King for a year and a half during the civil rights movement. Wow.

These 3 talented, peaceful spirits led the most wonderful retreat in the mountains in Georgia. Breathing in, breathing out, I know I am present. A weekend of just focusing on the breath and remembering that the past and future (thoughts of) prevent you from enjoying what is here right now. We meditated, sang songs, took walks and looked at the moonlight. We practiced yoga and thai chi, sat by a pond, ate meals in silence. We had wonderful discussions and appreciated each other's presence. PRESENCE. (Breathing in, breathing out =)). We practiced deep relaxation and touching the earth. I have not felt so calm and at peace in a long time.

I can keep this peace with me in my daily life, I need only to remember to be mindful. Mindful of my breath, mindful of the moment, mindful of each activity I engage in. I'd like to share a song that we learned at the retreat...

Breathing In, Breathing Out
Breathing in, breathing out (2x)
I am blooming as a flower, I am fresh as the dew
I am solid as a mountain, I am firm as the earth
I am free.
Breathing in, breathing out (2x)
I am water, reflecting what is real, what is true,
And I feel there is space deep inside of me
I am free, I am free, I am free.

all my love,
Lisa

Cultivating Peace Within

I am feeing very nurtured right now. My bedroom windows are open and there is a slight breeze. I can hear the birds sing and the crickets chirp. The air is fresh and I am at peace. This morning I worked out at Go Primal Fitness with my friends. We had good conversation and a really tough workout. The kind that leaves you feeling really strong when it's over. I came home and made myself a yummy smoothie, packed with fruits and veggies.

This led me to check in and notice that I really feel good inside.

I haven't had an alcoholic beverage in about 5 weeks now. I don't drink much anymore, but when I do I have trouble sleeping and feel a little funky inside, and along with that comes guilt over drinking which troubles my mind. In addition I have been doing alot of cooking and eating really fresh foods. All I ever drink is water (and the occasional tea), and I have increased my intake over the past few weeks. I have totally cut down on sugar, and when I have eaten it I have done so in a mindful way, knowing that it was totally appropriate for me at the time. There is so much more satisfaction in that then just popping it like a drug at all times.

I have been playing with food for a few years now. Playing in the way of noticing how I am affected by it. I have gone up and down rollercoasters with my moods, emotions, and digestive system as I have played this game of food experimentation. It truly is amazing and true how each thing that I put into my body has an overall effect on my entire system. When the digestion is going hay-wire, you can bet so is the nervous system, mind, and your attitude towards life.

The more happy and peaceful my digestive system is, the more nurtured I am by my foods, the more happy and peaceful I am overall. What a concept.

Love,
Lisa