What my hamstrings are teaching me!

Ahhhh, hamstrings oh hamstrings. Right hamstrings to be exact. I injured them in March of last year. I knew it was an injury. There was a POP and pain. I did not understand how, because I was just gently stretching, but it happened. I did not feel any pain walking or doing anything else other than stretching, which I refrained from for the next 6 weeks until it healed. I iced a couple of times a day, I took care of myself. Then it was better and I went back to "business as usual", but always with care of the hamstrings. From time to time I would feel a little something going on in there as I folded forward into Uttanasana or some other deep hamstring stretch, and I would back off.
I started massage school in May, and over the next 6 months of being there I had several different classmates work on my hamstrings. Massage is great for an injury, I knew, and if there was any scar tissues or any adhesions there that massage would help. I try to take care of myself, ya know.
Now, in my yoga practice I am not someone who feels a need to push myself into crazy positions that my body is not ready for and may never be ready for. It is not important for me to get into lotus, or hanuman asana, or countless others. This does not mean that I do not push my body to its limits and even a little beyond. I push, I push with respect to where I am at. And I do not have any ideas about what I "should" be able to do. We have discussions about these people during our YogaWorks training weekends, the extreme pushers. The ones who just need to keep doing vinyasas even though their posture is sloppy due to fatigue. As an instructor I see them all the time. I offer 2 variatons to a pose and they choose the more difficult option and struggle. I approach and tell them they should try the first variation and I get the response "No, I can DO IT!". Sigh.... Now, I fully understand these people. I have been one of these people in the past. As we have these discussions in our YogaWorks group many of us recognize (and giggle at) times that we have or do demonstrate these qualities at times.
So, during our last trainig weekend, which was Jan. 9, 10 & 11; something happened. We were backbending on Friday. I love backbending. I do it often. It is something I am "good at". But later Friday evening I felt some agitation in my right hamstrings. That old injury. That's ok I thought, after a good night's rest they'll be fine. Saturday morning came and I felt my hamstrings a little, but nothing to worry about. I know my body and I could be careful to modify, right? So I went through our practice on Saturday, modifying so as not to overstretch my right hamstring toooo much. By Saturday night I needed ice. Pain. Dammit! Why!! Why this weekend??? One more day of yoga to experience, this can't happen!!!!
So I had to go in on Sunday morning and tell my teacher that something was wrong with my hamstrings. That I had to be really careful and could not do everything. Of course this is perfectly fine with him, but it certainly isn't fine with me.
I already had a massage scheduled for Sunday evening, which I as feeling very thankful for! We can just work on my hamstrings, and then everything will be fine!
I was a complete emotional mess Sunday evening. My poor friend who came to give me a massage got hit with it before he even got his foot in the door. Yoga weekends are always intense, there are many releases from the body and we also dig deep into the Yoga Sutras. We spend alot of time together bonding and then it is over. That is sad enough. Now add an injury and my reaction to it.
My poor friend. Thank you for listening and understanding!
The massage did not fix my hamstrings. That's ok, I can accept this, I told myself. I started icing twice a day and I did not excercise at all for 2 days. I scheduled another massage for Thursday with another friend. I did yoga on Wednesday and left my hamstrings alone. Then I took a few days off from any excercise again. I started eating sugar again. Chocolate will make me feel better, I told myself.
The big question that I couldn't stop asking myself, and my 2 friends that were kind enough to work on my hamstrings, was HOW did I even do this to myself and WHY did this happen again (ok that's 2 questions). They both pointed out that maybe my hamstrings still have a lesson to teach me. They also both asked if it was really important how it happened, or to rephrase, why it was so important to me how it happened.
Now the irony of this situation is not lost on me. "I'm not one of those people that needs to push myself, I accept where I am at physically", yet I could not accept this injury! How is this different than trying to push myself into lotus? Hmmm....
Yesterday I went to check out the new Go Primal Fitness gym. This place is awesome! Check it out! Train there, take a class, do it all. At least visit their website http://www.goprimalfitness.com/. Vincent asked if I wanted to train and I told him about my injury. BTW Vince, I hope you don't mind me using your name, I didn't figure you would after the Go Primal plug. Anyway, Vincent offered to take a look and help me figure out what was going on in there. After a couple of resistance tests it was easy for him to see that I definitely tore the muscle (way back in March) and that scar tissue had laid itself down to fix the tear. Scar tissue does not have the same integrity of muscle and unless addressed I will continue on in a viscious cycle of re-tearing that area (more scar tissue, more tearing, etc.). I should be happy at this point that I at least know what is going on. And even happier that Vincent has offered to work with me on fixing it. And even happier that it should only take a few sessions and that it is fixable. Okay, I am. Truly GRATEFUL! But I still feel like sulking a little. I want it to never have happened!
I hear myself telling Vincent that I haven't been working out at all lately and asking him what I can do without working my hamstrings.
What a dumb question! As soon as we start discussing excercises a million things fill my head. Why, all of the sudden, do I feel my hamstrings are the only muscles in my body?
Just a few months ago I was dilligently working on my handstands. I love handstands! I also love headstands. I can work on all my inversions, what better time! Better yet, maybe I should take on pinch mayurasana, my enigma inversion. Work on something that I DON'T like as much.
So I begin this day with a smile. This afternoon Vincent is going to begin breaking up the scar tissue in my hamstrings and retraining the muscle fibers to go in the same direction.
And this evening I am going to work on pincha mayurasana!