You may or may not be aware that I have recently begun teaching yoga in prison. Lowell women's correctional facility to be exact. I teach every Friday morning as long as everything goes smoothly, and today things didn't quite go smoothly. I stood in the empty room that should have been filled with prisoners enjoying yoga for the 1 hour a week that they have that opportunity, looking out the window to see if they would be released. I had plenty of time to contemplate their life.
Time moves very slowly in prison. A minute feels like 10 minutes. 10 minutes feels like an hour. An hour feels like a day. What does a week feel like? How about 12 years? Life?
The first time that I went behind the gates was quite intimidating. I don't even know how many miles and layers of barbed wire surround the perimeters, but I can tell you it's alot. It's a very different and unnerving feeling being on the inside and surrounded by all that barbed wire. Although the more I go the less I notice it. You can get used to all sorts of things. So anyway, I was also intimidated to teach for the first time. I had no idea what to expect, how the women would respond to me and treat me, and I was so completely overwhelmed by the gratitude they expressed. I left that first day with the recognition that this was the best class I had ever taught. Let me clarify, this had nothing to do with my teaching. What I mean is that this was the most attentive, appreciative, most "wanting to do well" group people that I had ever taught. These women are sweet, intelligent, and did I mention appreciative?
Each week they thank me profusely for taking the time out of my day to be there to teach them. They want to make sure that I am will be back the next week. They tell me that Friday morning yoga from 9-10 is all that they have to look forward to all week. All week. They look forward to that one hour. Meditation is also available at the prison, through the Gateless Gate, on Thursdays. So some of them have meditation on Thursday and yoga on Friday to look forward to. All week.
So I sat there today for what felt like an eternity, waiting to see if we were going to get the chance to meet and practice some yoga. I looked out the window into the prison yard, and really took it all in. All of the buildings form a square, with doors to the housing units opening into the yard. There is a tall round guard tower, equiped with guards with guns, somewhere near the middle. There are also fences surrounding the yard with plenty of barbed wire at the top. There is a basketball court. And grassy area. There are alot of prisoners here and I couldn't help but notice that the yard really wasn't that large considering the number of people that had to share it. I looked up and noticed the beauty of the sky. Today was a lovely day with blue sky and white clouds. At least they have this, I thought, though I did keep catching the distraction of the barbed wire in my view as I looked up. I found myself wondering, if I were in that yard, would I be able to just lie on my back in the grass and look up at the sky without the barb wire being in my view. Could I just escape into the clouds, if only for awhile?
There are a few flower bushes planted in a row, spaced far apart. They are orange flowers, and only a couple per bush. I couldn't help but think, "that's it?". Why not have a more abundant garden, filled with vibrant and beautiful flowers. Maybe some plants to attract butterflies. Bring in a little more life, beauty and color. The prisoners, I thought, could maintain the garden. I imagine some would love the opportunity to dig their hands into the earth, gardening is extremely therapeutic. Then I went a step further and thought how wonderful it would be if they were able to have a vegetable garden. It seems money could be saved on food if they were able to grow alot of veggies there. Imagine how much pride it would bring the prisoners to be able to eat food that they had grown with their own hands and care. But there is that issue of space in the yard........
So I stood there contemplating these things as time ticked slowly by. I watched intently the doors to the units, hoping they would open and the women would come out, and I began to wonder what it looked like behind those doors. Behind those bars. I saw the faces of the women who I knew looked forward to nothing but this one hour, and I felt their anxiousness and anticipation. I wondered if they had any idea what was holding things up; I wondered if they knew what time it was and I knew that somehow they did.
I opened my heart to them and I felt it break. I felt the pain and heaviness, sadness. I felt these women.
About 9:40 my friend and partner in this venture, Kelly, showed up. She teaches in another building and fortunately knows her way around the buildings and the system much more than I. She has been working in the prison system for a long time now, me just a month now. So she arrived and told me what was going on, that they were not letting the women out because they did not have enough guards on duty to cover the grounds due to some being in a meeting and some being needed to transport prisoners to a different section. Before we walked out the door to leave I took one last look out the window and saw that the women were released and flooding the grounds. I was so conflicted, not wanting to leave yet not being able to teach the class, we only had till 10 and it was past 9:45. I saw 2 of the women that attend my class running. Running towards the building for class. One was much closer than the other and I waited for her to arrive.
"Is class cancelled today because they wouldn't let us out?" Yes, I am so sorry that it is, our time is up. "I am dying, I am so upset, I didn't get to have yoga last week (there was a meditation retreat happening and our class was cancelled) and now I don't get to have yoga this week, you're coming back next week, right?" Yes, I am coming back next week. I will keep coming back every week. I am so sorry. "It's ok, it's not your fault, thank you so much for coming". You are welcome. And thank you. Thank you for smile, I will think of it all day. I did. All day I thought about this woman who smiled and thanked me even though we didn't have class. Even though the one thing she looks forward to all week was taken away. Even though I could feel her broken heart.
Time moves very slowly in prison. I hope that some of these can find peace by taking in the beauty and mystery of the sky without the barbed wire getting in the way. After all, it is amazing what you can get used to, and these women have plenty of time to get used to things.
from my heart to yours,
Lisa
Friday, September 11, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Finding Peace in Northeast Georgia
Thich Nhat Hanh. What a beautiful and amazing spirit.
I love to read books. I could spend hours in a book store, just walking past and gently touching the spines of books, pulling out to look at the ones that draw my attention. I am never disappointed when I find a book this way. This is how I found Thich Nhat Hanh, somewhere around a year and a half ago. I pulled this book off the shelf by this Vietnamese Buddhist Monk that I had never heard of before and opened to a random page. The words on this page were captivating and beautiful. I had to get this book. I brought it home and read it, and had to learn more about this spirit who wrote it.
With all that he has contributed I was truly surprised that I had never heard of him before. I could go on and on, but that is not what this blog is about. So, to borrow a quote from Paul Davenport, "more on that later" (or you can research him yourself, visit www.plumvillage.org).
Fast forwarding to this past weekend, I had the opportunity to go to a retreat in Georgia in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh. The retreat was hosted by 2 nuns from Plum Village, and the father of one of these nuns who is also a teacher in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh. this tradition is all about mindfulness and being present, and this is what we focused on all weekend.
First I have to say that I cannot get the image of Sister Jewel, a nun who was been living the monastic life since 1997 beginning at Plum Village, out of my head. I saw her from a distance, and her smile penetrated to the root of my soul. I have never seen a more genuine, radiant, beaming smile; shining like a ray of light to hug all who could see it with warmth. This is a person who has found peace. Who is peace. Just being in her presence and the presence of Sister Peace, another beaming ray of light, was enough to bring a calming effect to my spirit. The father of Sister Jewel, Al Lingo, has peircing blue eyes that truly see you when they look. He is in his 70's yet has a youthful spirit and vigor. He has a way with words that come from many years of being a Christian minister before becoming a dharma teacher, and he has worked as a therapist for many years as well. This is a man who worked with Martin Luther King for a year and a half during the civil rights movement. Wow.
These 3 talented, peaceful spirits led the most wonderful retreat in the mountains in Georgia. Breathing in, breathing out, I know I am present. A weekend of just focusing on the breath and remembering that the past and future (thoughts of) prevent you from enjoying what is here right now. We meditated, sang songs, took walks and looked at the moonlight. We practiced yoga and thai chi, sat by a pond, ate meals in silence. We had wonderful discussions and appreciated each other's presence. PRESENCE. (Breathing in, breathing out =)). We practiced deep relaxation and touching the earth. I have not felt so calm and at peace in a long time.
I can keep this peace with me in my daily life, I need only to remember to be mindful. Mindful of my breath, mindful of the moment, mindful of each activity I engage in. I'd like to share a song that we learned at the retreat...
Breathing In, Breathing Out
Breathing in, breathing out (2x)
I am blooming as a flower, I am fresh as the dew
I am solid as a mountain, I am firm as the earth
I am free.
Breathing in, breathing out (2x)
I am water, reflecting what is real, what is true,
And I feel there is space deep inside of me
I am free, I am free, I am free.
all my love,
Lisa
I love to read books. I could spend hours in a book store, just walking past and gently touching the spines of books, pulling out to look at the ones that draw my attention. I am never disappointed when I find a book this way. This is how I found Thich Nhat Hanh, somewhere around a year and a half ago. I pulled this book off the shelf by this Vietnamese Buddhist Monk that I had never heard of before and opened to a random page. The words on this page were captivating and beautiful. I had to get this book. I brought it home and read it, and had to learn more about this spirit who wrote it.
With all that he has contributed I was truly surprised that I had never heard of him before. I could go on and on, but that is not what this blog is about. So, to borrow a quote from Paul Davenport, "more on that later" (or you can research him yourself, visit www.plumvillage.org).
Fast forwarding to this past weekend, I had the opportunity to go to a retreat in Georgia in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh. The retreat was hosted by 2 nuns from Plum Village, and the father of one of these nuns who is also a teacher in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh. this tradition is all about mindfulness and being present, and this is what we focused on all weekend.
First I have to say that I cannot get the image of Sister Jewel, a nun who was been living the monastic life since 1997 beginning at Plum Village, out of my head. I saw her from a distance, and her smile penetrated to the root of my soul. I have never seen a more genuine, radiant, beaming smile; shining like a ray of light to hug all who could see it with warmth. This is a person who has found peace. Who is peace. Just being in her presence and the presence of Sister Peace, another beaming ray of light, was enough to bring a calming effect to my spirit. The father of Sister Jewel, Al Lingo, has peircing blue eyes that truly see you when they look. He is in his 70's yet has a youthful spirit and vigor. He has a way with words that come from many years of being a Christian minister before becoming a dharma teacher, and he has worked as a therapist for many years as well. This is a man who worked with Martin Luther King for a year and a half during the civil rights movement. Wow.
These 3 talented, peaceful spirits led the most wonderful retreat in the mountains in Georgia. Breathing in, breathing out, I know I am present. A weekend of just focusing on the breath and remembering that the past and future (thoughts of) prevent you from enjoying what is here right now. We meditated, sang songs, took walks and looked at the moonlight. We practiced yoga and thai chi, sat by a pond, ate meals in silence. We had wonderful discussions and appreciated each other's presence. PRESENCE. (Breathing in, breathing out =)). We practiced deep relaxation and touching the earth. I have not felt so calm and at peace in a long time.
I can keep this peace with me in my daily life, I need only to remember to be mindful. Mindful of my breath, mindful of the moment, mindful of each activity I engage in. I'd like to share a song that we learned at the retreat...
Breathing In, Breathing Out
Breathing in, breathing out (2x)
I am blooming as a flower, I am fresh as the dew
I am solid as a mountain, I am firm as the earth
I am free.
Breathing in, breathing out (2x)
I am water, reflecting what is real, what is true,
And I feel there is space deep inside of me
I am free, I am free, I am free.
all my love,
Lisa
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Cultivating Peace Within
I am feeing very nurtured right now. My bedroom windows are open and there is a slight breeze. I can hear the birds sing and the crickets chirp. The air is fresh and I am at peace. This morning I worked out at Go Primal Fitness with my friends. We had good conversation and a really tough workout. The kind that leaves you feeling really strong when it's over. I came home and made myself a yummy smoothie, packed with fruits and veggies.
This led me to check in and notice that I really feel good inside.
I haven't had an alcoholic beverage in about 5 weeks now. I don't drink much anymore, but when I do I have trouble sleeping and feel a little funky inside, and along with that comes guilt over drinking which troubles my mind. In addition I have been doing alot of cooking and eating really fresh foods. All I ever drink is water (and the occasional tea), and I have increased my intake over the past few weeks. I have totally cut down on sugar, and when I have eaten it I have done so in a mindful way, knowing that it was totally appropriate for me at the time. There is so much more satisfaction in that then just popping it like a drug at all times.
I have been playing with food for a few years now. Playing in the way of noticing how I am affected by it. I have gone up and down rollercoasters with my moods, emotions, and digestive system as I have played this game of food experimentation. It truly is amazing and true how each thing that I put into my body has an overall effect on my entire system. When the digestion is going hay-wire, you can bet so is the nervous system, mind, and your attitude towards life.
The more happy and peaceful my digestive system is, the more nurtured I am by my foods, the more happy and peaceful I am overall. What a concept.
Love,
Lisa
This led me to check in and notice that I really feel good inside.
I haven't had an alcoholic beverage in about 5 weeks now. I don't drink much anymore, but when I do I have trouble sleeping and feel a little funky inside, and along with that comes guilt over drinking which troubles my mind. In addition I have been doing alot of cooking and eating really fresh foods. All I ever drink is water (and the occasional tea), and I have increased my intake over the past few weeks. I have totally cut down on sugar, and when I have eaten it I have done so in a mindful way, knowing that it was totally appropriate for me at the time. There is so much more satisfaction in that then just popping it like a drug at all times.
I have been playing with food for a few years now. Playing in the way of noticing how I am affected by it. I have gone up and down rollercoasters with my moods, emotions, and digestive system as I have played this game of food experimentation. It truly is amazing and true how each thing that I put into my body has an overall effect on my entire system. When the digestion is going hay-wire, you can bet so is the nervous system, mind, and your attitude towards life.
The more happy and peaceful my digestive system is, the more nurtured I am by my foods, the more happy and peaceful I am overall. What a concept.
Love,
Lisa
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
108 Prostrations
I've just completed my first meditation retreat at the Gateless Gate Zen Center. Well not JUST, it was finished on Sunday afternoon. I've been interested in doing a weekend (or maybe even longer) retreat for some time now, and after the passing of my father that interest turned into need. This opportunity came up and I am so thankful that I took advantage of it.
I have to say that I really had no idea what I was getting into! I imagined that it would be intense, and well, intense it was. In more ways than one.
The day begins at 4:45am with 108 prostrations, or full bows, to the Buddha. The Buddha is kind of a metaphor here, we aren't bowing to the Buddha himself but are bowing to all mankind. Bowing to the acknowledge that we are of service, to acknowledge that there is something greater than the self or EGO. But during my 108 prostrations on the 2nd morning I found myself near panic and almost in tears. Wondering when the hell this was going to be over as the sweat dripped from my forehead. As I walked down the stairs after the bows were over, I made eye contact with the statue of Buddha and silently told him that I hated him. My ego was strong. I didn't care about the Buddha or being of service or anyone else, I just wanted to be back in bed, curled up and relaxed.
It only got worse from there (that is, until it got better...). Only a short 10 minute break before going upstairs to begin the morning rounds of chanting and meditation. I went back upstairs only slightly more relaxed and eased onto my cushion. It wasn't long before I felt uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. Pain in my leg, knee, hip. Dammit, how was I suppose to sit like this all day. And all I could concentrate or focus on was my uncomfortability. As soon as we stood up for our 10 minutes of walking meditation I bolted, escaping downstairs to the comfort of the couch. I spent about an hour on that couch. In tears. Wet, sobbing, uncontrollable tears as my dualities showed themselves and my split personalities had a nice knock-down drag out fight! I wanted to get the hell out of there... and fast! That was the problem, the "I", my ego.
Zen practice is about understanding your true nature, that all things in the universe are made from the same substance. It's about being open to the present. It's about overcoming (for lack of a better word) the sense of separation that occurs with identifying with "I, ME, or MINE". As I sat on that couch crying, I realized that my sense of self was much stronger than I thought. I didn't really need to be there anyway... I do alot of work on myself already, I didn't need this. HAH!
After my hour of tears and internal conflict I was encouraged by Claudia, the cook and my new friend, to go back upstairs for chanting. I did, relunctantly, and continued to cry loudly and abnoxiously as the others chanted. Until I stopped crying and began to chant as well. The chanting brought me out of myself, out of my head, and in unison with the others. Everything was going to be just ok. I was going to make it.
And make it I did. I not only made it but I learned alot about myself and my true nature.
I am looking forward to the next retreat.
I have to say that I really had no idea what I was getting into! I imagined that it would be intense, and well, intense it was. In more ways than one.
The day begins at 4:45am with 108 prostrations, or full bows, to the Buddha. The Buddha is kind of a metaphor here, we aren't bowing to the Buddha himself but are bowing to all mankind. Bowing to the acknowledge that we are of service, to acknowledge that there is something greater than the self or EGO. But during my 108 prostrations on the 2nd morning I found myself near panic and almost in tears. Wondering when the hell this was going to be over as the sweat dripped from my forehead. As I walked down the stairs after the bows were over, I made eye contact with the statue of Buddha and silently told him that I hated him. My ego was strong. I didn't care about the Buddha or being of service or anyone else, I just wanted to be back in bed, curled up and relaxed.
It only got worse from there (that is, until it got better...). Only a short 10 minute break before going upstairs to begin the morning rounds of chanting and meditation. I went back upstairs only slightly more relaxed and eased onto my cushion. It wasn't long before I felt uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. Pain in my leg, knee, hip. Dammit, how was I suppose to sit like this all day. And all I could concentrate or focus on was my uncomfortability. As soon as we stood up for our 10 minutes of walking meditation I bolted, escaping downstairs to the comfort of the couch. I spent about an hour on that couch. In tears. Wet, sobbing, uncontrollable tears as my dualities showed themselves and my split personalities had a nice knock-down drag out fight! I wanted to get the hell out of there... and fast! That was the problem, the "I", my ego.
Zen practice is about understanding your true nature, that all things in the universe are made from the same substance. It's about being open to the present. It's about overcoming (for lack of a better word) the sense of separation that occurs with identifying with "I, ME, or MINE". As I sat on that couch crying, I realized that my sense of self was much stronger than I thought. I didn't really need to be there anyway... I do alot of work on myself already, I didn't need this. HAH!
After my hour of tears and internal conflict I was encouraged by Claudia, the cook and my new friend, to go back upstairs for chanting. I did, relunctantly, and continued to cry loudly and abnoxiously as the others chanted. Until I stopped crying and began to chant as well. The chanting brought me out of myself, out of my head, and in unison with the others. Everything was going to be just ok. I was going to make it.
And make it I did. I not only made it but I learned alot about myself and my true nature.
I am looking forward to the next retreat.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Stagnant Air
I decided today that I am going to cut my hair. Chop it all off. I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately, and today had the vision of scissors making their way across the perimeter of my hair and it all falling to the ground in one dramatic "swoop". As I had this vision I felt a sense of freedom, relief of some sort, and I knew without a doubt that it's time to let the hair go.
Let it go. I used to have really short hair. Really short. Some of you may remember this, if we've known each other for any length of time. I had this short hair for many years. Then I decided to grow it out, and it went through different stages of shortness. I could get it to a certain point, and then like it where it was and just keep it there for awhile. It has really taken me years to grow my hair out to the length that it is now. Well, in all fairness it was about this long or longer a little more than a year ago and then I cut 6 inches off. Right before starting massage school, May 08, there went 6 inches and I had a cute little bob cut. Those 6 inches were removed for a reason, that was the last of the previously colored and therefore damaged hair. All that was left was 100% natural, healthy hair.
I happen to think my hair is beautiful. Soft, with multiple colors that blend well, straight with just a touch of wave. I can really do alot with it if I so chose... but I don't. All I ever do is pull it back. Especially in this oppressive heat!
So I went through this long process, taking many years, of growing my hair out. And I like it. So why cut it off? Don't I remember how much upkeep was involved with short hair? And let's not forget how long it took and what a pain in the you-know-what it was growing it out. Because my goal was to have long hair. Okay. Goal met. Now what?
Time to change goals! I recognize that my head is hot. That all I do is pull my hair back. That I am envious of other's cute short hairstyles. That I am bored with my hair... and have been for awhile! Yet why have I not cut it yet? Because it was a goal for such a long period of time. Because it was alot of hard work to get here. Wouldn't cutting it all off just be throwing it all away?
Any of this sound familiar? How many of us stay in dead end jobs or relationships, or in any old familiar pattern for that matter; for those exact reasons? How do you throw away something that you worked so hard to achieve?
Well I must raise the question... how do you NOT?! If you just aren't happy / stimulated / nourished / etc. with / by......... whatever it is. Toss it out, say good-bye, let it go. Set a new goal.
It's really not as hard as it seems, though to most it may seem terrifying. Change. We can be so resistant to change. The dull and possibly miserable can seem immensely safer than the unknown. Yet boundless opportunities and experiences are awaiting you if only you create the space for them to grace you.
I love change. At times, maybe too much. But that's another blog, yet to be written.
As much as I love change, I too get caught up in patterns and forget how easy it is to let go of things. Things that may be causing me grief, or at least to feel bored and lacking in the creativity department.
Right now is one of those times. I am just feeling stuck. And I know I am not alone. It's like an eidemic. It's something in the air. The heat is on and the humidity is high, the air is heavy and stagnant. I feel I am breathing in this heavyness and stagnation, and as I exhale I share it with others. I feel bombarded by negativity. So much fear is in our daily lives right now, it's in our very cells and it's eating us alive.
It's time to change. Change it all. We have the power to create a new reality for ourselves and each other. For society as a whole. But first we have to remember how to create! Through change! It can start with something as simple as a haircut. If I am not afraid to cut my hair, what else may I not be afraid to do? Maybe if I look different, I may also be able to look at things differently. Who knows.
Big change starts with small change. It may be extremely intimidating to consider ending a relationship that you've been in, maybe for years. But alot less intimidating, I imagine, to clean your car for the first time this year. But after cleaning your car you may want to change the route that you drive to work each day. Then start going to the gym. Then begin eating healthier. Then maybe that stale relationship is next on the chopping block...
I need to add here that not every change will bring about pleasure and happiness. Change can bring unhappiness, anger, and every other emotion under the sun. But I can promise you that whatever emotion or outcome it brings, it will be different than what you had before the change. I can also tell you that regardless of the outcome there is a definite sense of empowerment that comes with taking the steps towards change. Change is going to come, regardless. Nothing lasts forever or remains the same. Nothing can be held onto for any length of time. So how much more gratifying is it when you have made the decision to make the change in your life instead of just accepting what is to come? Only one way to find out!
Mahatma Gandhi said "be the change you want to see in the world". Well the change I want to see is just plain change. I'll start with my hair... we'll see where that takes me next!
I'd love to hear about what you are changing! Change may be big or small, change may have already happened; no guidelines here. Just leave a note in the comments section. Thanks!
Let it go. I used to have really short hair. Really short. Some of you may remember this, if we've known each other for any length of time. I had this short hair for many years. Then I decided to grow it out, and it went through different stages of shortness. I could get it to a certain point, and then like it where it was and just keep it there for awhile. It has really taken me years to grow my hair out to the length that it is now. Well, in all fairness it was about this long or longer a little more than a year ago and then I cut 6 inches off. Right before starting massage school, May 08, there went 6 inches and I had a cute little bob cut. Those 6 inches were removed for a reason, that was the last of the previously colored and therefore damaged hair. All that was left was 100% natural, healthy hair.
I happen to think my hair is beautiful. Soft, with multiple colors that blend well, straight with just a touch of wave. I can really do alot with it if I so chose... but I don't. All I ever do is pull it back. Especially in this oppressive heat!
So I went through this long process, taking many years, of growing my hair out. And I like it. So why cut it off? Don't I remember how much upkeep was involved with short hair? And let's not forget how long it took and what a pain in the you-know-what it was growing it out. Because my goal was to have long hair. Okay. Goal met. Now what?
Time to change goals! I recognize that my head is hot. That all I do is pull my hair back. That I am envious of other's cute short hairstyles. That I am bored with my hair... and have been for awhile! Yet why have I not cut it yet? Because it was a goal for such a long period of time. Because it was alot of hard work to get here. Wouldn't cutting it all off just be throwing it all away?
Any of this sound familiar? How many of us stay in dead end jobs or relationships, or in any old familiar pattern for that matter; for those exact reasons? How do you throw away something that you worked so hard to achieve?
Well I must raise the question... how do you NOT?! If you just aren't happy / stimulated / nourished / etc. with / by......... whatever it is. Toss it out, say good-bye, let it go. Set a new goal.
It's really not as hard as it seems, though to most it may seem terrifying. Change. We can be so resistant to change. The dull and possibly miserable can seem immensely safer than the unknown. Yet boundless opportunities and experiences are awaiting you if only you create the space for them to grace you.
I love change. At times, maybe too much. But that's another blog, yet to be written.
As much as I love change, I too get caught up in patterns and forget how easy it is to let go of things. Things that may be causing me grief, or at least to feel bored and lacking in the creativity department.
Right now is one of those times. I am just feeling stuck. And I know I am not alone. It's like an eidemic. It's something in the air. The heat is on and the humidity is high, the air is heavy and stagnant. I feel I am breathing in this heavyness and stagnation, and as I exhale I share it with others. I feel bombarded by negativity. So much fear is in our daily lives right now, it's in our very cells and it's eating us alive.
It's time to change. Change it all. We have the power to create a new reality for ourselves and each other. For society as a whole. But first we have to remember how to create! Through change! It can start with something as simple as a haircut. If I am not afraid to cut my hair, what else may I not be afraid to do? Maybe if I look different, I may also be able to look at things differently. Who knows.
Big change starts with small change. It may be extremely intimidating to consider ending a relationship that you've been in, maybe for years. But alot less intimidating, I imagine, to clean your car for the first time this year. But after cleaning your car you may want to change the route that you drive to work each day. Then start going to the gym. Then begin eating healthier. Then maybe that stale relationship is next on the chopping block...
I need to add here that not every change will bring about pleasure and happiness. Change can bring unhappiness, anger, and every other emotion under the sun. But I can promise you that whatever emotion or outcome it brings, it will be different than what you had before the change. I can also tell you that regardless of the outcome there is a definite sense of empowerment that comes with taking the steps towards change. Change is going to come, regardless. Nothing lasts forever or remains the same. Nothing can be held onto for any length of time. So how much more gratifying is it when you have made the decision to make the change in your life instead of just accepting what is to come? Only one way to find out!
Mahatma Gandhi said "be the change you want to see in the world". Well the change I want to see is just plain change. I'll start with my hair... we'll see where that takes me next!
I'd love to hear about what you are changing! Change may be big or small, change may have already happened; no guidelines here. Just leave a note in the comments section. Thanks!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
perpetually changing...
Many times in my life I have thought or felt that I "needed" to be someone other than who I was at the time; or "needed" to be thinking / doing something else. Something "better", more beneficial, more creative, smarter, etc. I have put myself on rigid schedules and chastised myself for being unable to follow them. I have berated myself for feeling certain ways about things, for oversleeping, for eating a pint of ice cream or lounging on the couch all day.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What the hell for?!
I am happy to be in a position of recognition that I can be all things and do all things, and the only thing that really matters is being true to myself and my current nature. How refreshing! I have been pondering the question "what is my true nature" lately, and have discovered that my true nature is constantly changing. Funny thing about that word, constantly, I just looked it up in Webster's dictionary. It means "to stand firm, be consistent; marked by firm steadfast resolution or faithfulness; continually occurring or recurring". Synonymous words are continually, faithfully, incessantly, perpetually, etc.... which all mean basically the same thing.
So basically the one thing I can be sure of is that my "true nature", and my mind; are consistently, faithfully, with steadfast resolution, continually CHANGING!!! Under such circumstances why bother trying to hold firmly to beliefs, rigid schedules, anything really?! Don't get me wrong, I do find it incredibly helpful and important to (a) have beliefs and (b) have a schedule or routine, yet if they change on occasion or all the time why should I beat myself up over it?
I am enjoying this. So much less pressure to not have to "BE" anything other than someone just "BE-ING" open to the moment. The next time you are presented with an opportunity to do something that you may want to say yes to; that may be fun, different, outside the box for you... and feel like you shouldn't do it because you have to work / go to bed early / are too old / fill in the blank... try throwing caution to the wind and just do it! Get yourself out of the box that you put yourself in.
Hugs n kisses,
Lisa
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What the hell for?!
I am happy to be in a position of recognition that I can be all things and do all things, and the only thing that really matters is being true to myself and my current nature. How refreshing! I have been pondering the question "what is my true nature" lately, and have discovered that my true nature is constantly changing. Funny thing about that word, constantly, I just looked it up in Webster's dictionary. It means "to stand firm, be consistent; marked by firm steadfast resolution or faithfulness; continually occurring or recurring". Synonymous words are continually, faithfully, incessantly, perpetually, etc.... which all mean basically the same thing.
So basically the one thing I can be sure of is that my "true nature", and my mind; are consistently, faithfully, with steadfast resolution, continually CHANGING!!! Under such circumstances why bother trying to hold firmly to beliefs, rigid schedules, anything really?! Don't get me wrong, I do find it incredibly helpful and important to (a) have beliefs and (b) have a schedule or routine, yet if they change on occasion or all the time why should I beat myself up over it?
I am enjoying this. So much less pressure to not have to "BE" anything other than someone just "BE-ING" open to the moment. The next time you are presented with an opportunity to do something that you may want to say yes to; that may be fun, different, outside the box for you... and feel like you shouldn't do it because you have to work / go to bed early / are too old / fill in the blank... try throwing caution to the wind and just do it! Get yourself out of the box that you put yourself in.
Hugs n kisses,
Lisa
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Words.
My intention when I began this blog was to write something once a week. Maybe even more than that. I enjoy writing, and the idea of sitting down early in the morning with laptop in hand filling this space with words, is soothing to me. With so many different topics to explore, this seemed such an easy thing to commit to.
I understand the power of words. A single word can make you fall in love or tear your world apart. At least that's the way it is in my universe. I believe that words should be used wisely and that those who carelessly toss them around in a destructive manner probably aren't aware of the damage that they do. Or if they are aware they do so as a form of control. Behind every word is an intention, and maybe that's where all the power comes from. Though at times the intention and words do not match.
That's why you haven't seen (or should I say heard?) much from me here lately. I have sat down several times to write and share my feelings and experiences regarding the illness and death of my father. My last blog on "the dramas of life" was healing for me and was a beautiful way for me to open up and share the intimacies of my mind around what I was experiencing. Several times since then I have had running commentary in my mind for a blog or have even sat down to write and fortunately saved the words as a draft before posting. Somehow I recognized, even in my twisted state of despair, that what I had to say was just too negative and depressing to go sharing with others.
I truly visited the depths of hell. There was no satan or fire, no whips or chains. Just the contents of my mind, my nature, the natures of others, and the rawness of all human emotion being expressed through the senses, and the rawness of a body being eaten away and decaying from disease and pain. Daily experiences became so overwhelming that I recognized a touch of insanity within myself. Due to my ability to become present with my feelings and emotions, my ability to become present with my father; I lost some ability to be present in many other aspects, moving through situations and days at times unaware of what I was doing or had done. I could no longer trust my mind. But I could certainly feel. Pain, pain, pain.
How can you recognize heaven if you've never been to hell?
I felt a need to get something out, to get ALOT out. On many levels... like a had a vile poison within me that I needed to spew. Maybe through words, maybe through cutting myself open and bleeding it out, maybe through vomitting, turning myself inside out... and as I sat to write, poisonous words came out. Truly validated words that correctly described my feelings, yet poisonous none the less. I chose not to share my poison.
And as I sit here now, writing, reflecting; I recognize that there is beauty and purpose in feeling the angst that can come through in words. To be moved to tears as you feel the pain expressed through a simple sentence, or the insanity, or the hate, and to reconize that you are not alone in having such feelings.
Reality. Reality is that there is pain and suffering. And pleasure and beauty. Even pain, especially pain; can be excruciatingly beautiful. So as I have exerienced pain I have also experienced the beauty of death, of forgiveness, of acceptance. Of suffering.
As I deleted or ignored those posts I told myself I had better wait until I had something more positive, more uplifting to say. As I am glad that I did not share them, it's not for the same reason that I deleted them. I have never been one to pretend that life is all blue skies, and that everything is good all the time. I will share with you the truth of my exeriences. The highs and the lows. The pleasure and the pain.
I am glad that I deleted those blogs because they were just too personal. I wrote them from a place of being completely withdrawn from others. My intention was to reach out. To find a way to connect and to share, to feel less alone. As I re-read the words I saw the loneliness, and I saw words that I did not feel others would understand. I felt that those words may even further isolate me.
The truth is that I needed to be isolated. I needed to be withdrawn. All that I went through, experienced, discovered, learned, etc. was a special gift just for me. I am smiling right now at the thought of this.
The journey into your soul, into your truth, cannot be experienced by anyone else. It takes strength to look within and is so much easier to look to others as a distraction or to validate your experience. When you are able to keep your focus inward and to face the work that must be done alone it is the most rewarding thing you can experience. Just think of the pleasure you experience from any little luxury that you keep for yourself... for instance eating an entire chocolate bar without anyone else knowing about it.
How did I get here? This blog has taken on a personality of it's own. My intention was to begin to get back into the groove of writing here. To let you know that I am well, and have made it through the experience of my father's death and am back in the game of life. I am stronger, wiser, and grateful.
See you next week.
I understand the power of words. A single word can make you fall in love or tear your world apart. At least that's the way it is in my universe. I believe that words should be used wisely and that those who carelessly toss them around in a destructive manner probably aren't aware of the damage that they do. Or if they are aware they do so as a form of control. Behind every word is an intention, and maybe that's where all the power comes from. Though at times the intention and words do not match.
That's why you haven't seen (or should I say heard?) much from me here lately. I have sat down several times to write and share my feelings and experiences regarding the illness and death of my father. My last blog on "the dramas of life" was healing for me and was a beautiful way for me to open up and share the intimacies of my mind around what I was experiencing. Several times since then I have had running commentary in my mind for a blog or have even sat down to write and fortunately saved the words as a draft before posting. Somehow I recognized, even in my twisted state of despair, that what I had to say was just too negative and depressing to go sharing with others.
I truly visited the depths of hell. There was no satan or fire, no whips or chains. Just the contents of my mind, my nature, the natures of others, and the rawness of all human emotion being expressed through the senses, and the rawness of a body being eaten away and decaying from disease and pain. Daily experiences became so overwhelming that I recognized a touch of insanity within myself. Due to my ability to become present with my feelings and emotions, my ability to become present with my father; I lost some ability to be present in many other aspects, moving through situations and days at times unaware of what I was doing or had done. I could no longer trust my mind. But I could certainly feel. Pain, pain, pain.
How can you recognize heaven if you've never been to hell?
I felt a need to get something out, to get ALOT out. On many levels... like a had a vile poison within me that I needed to spew. Maybe through words, maybe through cutting myself open and bleeding it out, maybe through vomitting, turning myself inside out... and as I sat to write, poisonous words came out. Truly validated words that correctly described my feelings, yet poisonous none the less. I chose not to share my poison.
And as I sit here now, writing, reflecting; I recognize that there is beauty and purpose in feeling the angst that can come through in words. To be moved to tears as you feel the pain expressed through a simple sentence, or the insanity, or the hate, and to reconize that you are not alone in having such feelings.
Reality. Reality is that there is pain and suffering. And pleasure and beauty. Even pain, especially pain; can be excruciatingly beautiful. So as I have exerienced pain I have also experienced the beauty of death, of forgiveness, of acceptance. Of suffering.
As I deleted or ignored those posts I told myself I had better wait until I had something more positive, more uplifting to say. As I am glad that I did not share them, it's not for the same reason that I deleted them. I have never been one to pretend that life is all blue skies, and that everything is good all the time. I will share with you the truth of my exeriences. The highs and the lows. The pleasure and the pain.
I am glad that I deleted those blogs because they were just too personal. I wrote them from a place of being completely withdrawn from others. My intention was to reach out. To find a way to connect and to share, to feel less alone. As I re-read the words I saw the loneliness, and I saw words that I did not feel others would understand. I felt that those words may even further isolate me.
The truth is that I needed to be isolated. I needed to be withdrawn. All that I went through, experienced, discovered, learned, etc. was a special gift just for me. I am smiling right now at the thought of this.
The journey into your soul, into your truth, cannot be experienced by anyone else. It takes strength to look within and is so much easier to look to others as a distraction or to validate your experience. When you are able to keep your focus inward and to face the work that must be done alone it is the most rewarding thing you can experience. Just think of the pleasure you experience from any little luxury that you keep for yourself... for instance eating an entire chocolate bar without anyone else knowing about it.
How did I get here? This blog has taken on a personality of it's own. My intention was to begin to get back into the groove of writing here. To let you know that I am well, and have made it through the experience of my father's death and am back in the game of life. I am stronger, wiser, and grateful.
See you next week.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The dramas of life
*SIGH* The only way to begin a blog of this nature is with a big, long SIGH. I have had a rough few weeks. Dealing with issues of life & death, nature vs. nurture, illness, and the big multi-dimensional thing called "RELATIONSHIP". We are all in relationship to one another, we are in relationship just as you read this blog. Inevitably you will have some feelings and judgements towards me based on these words that are written. Even indifference is a feeling.
Every single thing that we think, say or do have an effect on another being, or possibly on all beings, but I think it's safer for me to remain on the level of the "micro" cosm.
I am a yogi. I have read and try to follow the yoga sutras of patanjali. I follow also the teachings of Ramana Maharishi. I may also be a buddhist on some level. I listen to the teachings of the Buddha and they resonate with me. I may be little Advaita/ Vedanta as well. I have been to India and prayed to many Gods in many temples.
What I am getting at here is that all of these teachings have similar views and belief systems on reality/ unreality, and on death. Basically "I" am not my body, my Soul is my true form and has been living before coming to this body, this life... and will continue to live on after this body as decayed. I am light, energy, I am everything and nothing. Therefore how can I "die", I cannot.
Being confronted with the impending death of my father has brought many things to surface for me. I have realized that in the case of death, I want to live out the "dramas of life". I do not feel I am ready, at least at this time with this person, to have the understanding and viewpoint that the death of his body is fine, not a reality... just time for his soul to move on. This is difficult to explain... I will try. A friend just reminded me a few weeks ago that when Ramana Maharishi was on his death bed being eaten alive by cancer and clearly in pain, his many followers were by has bedside crying and suffering at the thought of losing him. Ramana said to them; why are you suffering, why are you crying, I am not going anywhere- there is nowhere for me to go. And I know this to be true, he has not gone anywhere, I have been to Mount Arunachala and have felt his presence. I imagine his presence may even be stronger now than when his body graced the land.
But as I see this body, the body of the man whose blood runs through my body, being eaten alive by cancer and suffering in pain, I cannot view it as anything other than real. I feel sadness and pain, and I want to ease his suffering. To tell him that death is not a reality, his pain is not a reality, and to truly feel that way and to be happy that he is passing into the next realm of his reality, I think would seem a bit insensitive.
I do have to comment though, on the way our Western society deals with death. Where is the respect for the person? There is such a mindset that we have to "save" everyone, yet at what expense? Where is the quality of life? How many of you have been in the presence of someone very sick, in the hospital dying, who has asked you to just let them die? Or worse yet, to kill them? Why do you think they are asking you that?
So, back to relationships. To say that my relationship with my father was strained would be putting it mildly. I have really not had a realtionship with him for many years, by choice. I have asked myself many times over the years how I would feel if he died. I have tried to imagine him dead to look for a response to this question. It is very different actually being confronted with the possibility than just imagining it... that much is true.
So, every single thing that we say or do has an effect on another human. What sort of effect are you having on those you are in relationship with? Are you even aware? What sort of effect woul you like to have?
The actions and words of this man, my father, had effects that cut deep wounds into my heart and cast shadows of darkness over me, some of which may remain for the rest of my life. I am grateful that I have chosen to follow the path of healing that I am now traveling upon, I have shed many layers of these old pains. I have also found the recognition that everything that has happened to me in my life, the good and the bad, have all been for the purpose of leading me to this moment. Right now. I believe there are no accidents in the universe, and I am truly grateful for all that I have been through. I would not be where I am, have learned what I have learned, been any of the places I have gone or met any of the amazing people that I have met if any 1 thing had gone differently.
So why has it been so hard for me to let go of these feelings, I can't even express the depth of negative emotions I have harbored, towards my father if I appreciate the experiences he brought me?
Because I am living this human drama. I am the little girl who just wanted to be loved. Who just wanted peace in her life. Who just wanted a father to be nice and good to her and to be there for her.
And what I have recently been able to open up to, since these hospital visits to my father have began, is that he is just the little boy who wanted to be loved. Who just wanted peace in his life. Who just wanted a father to be nice and good to him and to be there for him.
The cycle of abuse that continues itself until one can identify and heal from it.
This is a man who was doing the best that he knew how. He has much sadness and confusion, many deep wounds in his heart and shadows that have been over his head his entire life. He has endured much pain and suffering, physically and psycologically. Hmmm, maybe he knows that leaving this current life behind will bring him to the reality of bliss. It will certainly end the suffering.
I want to effect others with compassion. I want to help foster peace and comfort. I want to share love. I have been able to let myself open to sharing love with my father during this time of need. I did not realize how much being a person who wanted nothing to do with her father had become an identity for me. It is not easy to let an identity go after being attached to it for so long.
To quote Ghandi... "Hate the sin, love the sinner", "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is tha attribute of the strong.", "Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.".
*SIGH* As it began, so it ends. I am unsure as to how much longer my father will remain here, fighting this fight against cancer. One thing is for sure, he was always a fighter. I am grateful for this opportunity to be in relationship with him. I am grateful that in searching my soul I have found a softness towards him, that I have chosen to offer him comfort.
There is so much more that could be said... but in the end how real are words anyway?
Every single thing that we think, say or do have an effect on another being, or possibly on all beings, but I think it's safer for me to remain on the level of the "micro" cosm.
I am a yogi. I have read and try to follow the yoga sutras of patanjali. I follow also the teachings of Ramana Maharishi. I may also be a buddhist on some level. I listen to the teachings of the Buddha and they resonate with me. I may be little Advaita/ Vedanta as well. I have been to India and prayed to many Gods in many temples.
What I am getting at here is that all of these teachings have similar views and belief systems on reality/ unreality, and on death. Basically "I" am not my body, my Soul is my true form and has been living before coming to this body, this life... and will continue to live on after this body as decayed. I am light, energy, I am everything and nothing. Therefore how can I "die", I cannot.
Being confronted with the impending death of my father has brought many things to surface for me. I have realized that in the case of death, I want to live out the "dramas of life". I do not feel I am ready, at least at this time with this person, to have the understanding and viewpoint that the death of his body is fine, not a reality... just time for his soul to move on. This is difficult to explain... I will try. A friend just reminded me a few weeks ago that when Ramana Maharishi was on his death bed being eaten alive by cancer and clearly in pain, his many followers were by has bedside crying and suffering at the thought of losing him. Ramana said to them; why are you suffering, why are you crying, I am not going anywhere- there is nowhere for me to go. And I know this to be true, he has not gone anywhere, I have been to Mount Arunachala and have felt his presence. I imagine his presence may even be stronger now than when his body graced the land.
But as I see this body, the body of the man whose blood runs through my body, being eaten alive by cancer and suffering in pain, I cannot view it as anything other than real. I feel sadness and pain, and I want to ease his suffering. To tell him that death is not a reality, his pain is not a reality, and to truly feel that way and to be happy that he is passing into the next realm of his reality, I think would seem a bit insensitive.
I do have to comment though, on the way our Western society deals with death. Where is the respect for the person? There is such a mindset that we have to "save" everyone, yet at what expense? Where is the quality of life? How many of you have been in the presence of someone very sick, in the hospital dying, who has asked you to just let them die? Or worse yet, to kill them? Why do you think they are asking you that?
So, back to relationships. To say that my relationship with my father was strained would be putting it mildly. I have really not had a realtionship with him for many years, by choice. I have asked myself many times over the years how I would feel if he died. I have tried to imagine him dead to look for a response to this question. It is very different actually being confronted with the possibility than just imagining it... that much is true.
So, every single thing that we say or do has an effect on another human. What sort of effect are you having on those you are in relationship with? Are you even aware? What sort of effect woul you like to have?
The actions and words of this man, my father, had effects that cut deep wounds into my heart and cast shadows of darkness over me, some of which may remain for the rest of my life. I am grateful that I have chosen to follow the path of healing that I am now traveling upon, I have shed many layers of these old pains. I have also found the recognition that everything that has happened to me in my life, the good and the bad, have all been for the purpose of leading me to this moment. Right now. I believe there are no accidents in the universe, and I am truly grateful for all that I have been through. I would not be where I am, have learned what I have learned, been any of the places I have gone or met any of the amazing people that I have met if any 1 thing had gone differently.
So why has it been so hard for me to let go of these feelings, I can't even express the depth of negative emotions I have harbored, towards my father if I appreciate the experiences he brought me?
Because I am living this human drama. I am the little girl who just wanted to be loved. Who just wanted peace in her life. Who just wanted a father to be nice and good to her and to be there for her.
And what I have recently been able to open up to, since these hospital visits to my father have began, is that he is just the little boy who wanted to be loved. Who just wanted peace in his life. Who just wanted a father to be nice and good to him and to be there for him.
The cycle of abuse that continues itself until one can identify and heal from it.
This is a man who was doing the best that he knew how. He has much sadness and confusion, many deep wounds in his heart and shadows that have been over his head his entire life. He has endured much pain and suffering, physically and psycologically. Hmmm, maybe he knows that leaving this current life behind will bring him to the reality of bliss. It will certainly end the suffering.
I want to effect others with compassion. I want to help foster peace and comfort. I want to share love. I have been able to let myself open to sharing love with my father during this time of need. I did not realize how much being a person who wanted nothing to do with her father had become an identity for me. It is not easy to let an identity go after being attached to it for so long.
To quote Ghandi... "Hate the sin, love the sinner", "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is tha attribute of the strong.", "Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.".
*SIGH* As it began, so it ends. I am unsure as to how much longer my father will remain here, fighting this fight against cancer. One thing is for sure, he was always a fighter. I am grateful for this opportunity to be in relationship with him. I am grateful that in searching my soul I have found a softness towards him, that I have chosen to offer him comfort.
There is so much more that could be said... but in the end how real are words anyway?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Go Primal... and Yoga
I have recently begun working out with Vincent at Go Primal Fitness. Actually it's been a month now, 1 day a week of course. The first day consisted of a fitness "evaluation" with Vincent, where I filled out a book of personal information for him to peruse and performed specific exercises for him to see where I am physically as well as observe my "movement patterns".
I planned to join a group to workout with, but first opted for 2 private sessions with Vincent to learn some of the exercises that we would be doing in the group, as they are unique to Go Primal.
It's been years since I have done any physical exercise other than yoga, walking or biking, and I could tell! I have a very strong yoga practice, and consider myself in excellent shape! And I am finding there is alot to be said for changing up your workout routine. I found myself huffing and puffing, struggling through some of this stuff... endurance is a weakness (at this time). I also found myself having a blast, learning fun new exercises, and re-discovering muscles that haven't been getting enough attention.
I was a little nervous to join the group because I was concerned about competition coming into the equation, and I'll admit it, the thought "what if they are so much better/ stronger/ faster than me" entered my mind. I should also mention that my group consists of 2 co-workers and friends, which made me really excited to join the group and also brought up the above mentioned concerns.
SO MUCH FUN!!! Wow, yesterday was my first group session and the 3 of us had a blast! We also did alot of hard work. The exercises were broken down in a way that we worked as a team, with each member rooting for the other to succeed. A little push now and then, but in a compassionate, non-judgemental "you can do it" kind of way. It felt good.
And so do I (feel good, that is). I can already see positive effects from these workouts, physically and mentally. I am looking forward to seeing how it impacts and transforms my yoga practice (one reason that I joined).
Speaking of yoga... I will be offering yoga classes at Go Primal on Tuesdays from 6:30-7:45pm beginning on Tuesday March 24. I will also be offering private yoga sessions there. Stay tuned for more details!
If you haven't checked out Go Primal yet...www.goprimalfitness.com, actually I think the website is under construction right now (soon to be bigger and better). So call (352) 372-5208 or just stop by: 110 SW 6th Street Gainesville, FL 32601.
Peace & Love,
Lisa
I planned to join a group to workout with, but first opted for 2 private sessions with Vincent to learn some of the exercises that we would be doing in the group, as they are unique to Go Primal.
It's been years since I have done any physical exercise other than yoga, walking or biking, and I could tell! I have a very strong yoga practice, and consider myself in excellent shape! And I am finding there is alot to be said for changing up your workout routine. I found myself huffing and puffing, struggling through some of this stuff... endurance is a weakness (at this time). I also found myself having a blast, learning fun new exercises, and re-discovering muscles that haven't been getting enough attention.
I was a little nervous to join the group because I was concerned about competition coming into the equation, and I'll admit it, the thought "what if they are so much better/ stronger/ faster than me" entered my mind. I should also mention that my group consists of 2 co-workers and friends, which made me really excited to join the group and also brought up the above mentioned concerns.
SO MUCH FUN!!! Wow, yesterday was my first group session and the 3 of us had a blast! We also did alot of hard work. The exercises were broken down in a way that we worked as a team, with each member rooting for the other to succeed. A little push now and then, but in a compassionate, non-judgemental "you can do it" kind of way. It felt good.
And so do I (feel good, that is). I can already see positive effects from these workouts, physically and mentally. I am looking forward to seeing how it impacts and transforms my yoga practice (one reason that I joined).
Speaking of yoga... I will be offering yoga classes at Go Primal on Tuesdays from 6:30-7:45pm beginning on Tuesday March 24. I will also be offering private yoga sessions there. Stay tuned for more details!
If you haven't checked out Go Primal yet...www.goprimalfitness.com, actually I think the website is under construction right now (soon to be bigger and better). So call (352) 372-5208 or just stop by: 110 SW 6th Street Gainesville, FL 32601.
Peace & Love,
Lisa
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
From "Conversations with God"
"All human actions are motivated at their deepest level by one of two emotions- fear or love. In thruth there are only two two emotions- only two words in the language of the soul. These are the opposite ends of the great polarity which I created when I produced the universe, and your world, as you know it today.
These are the two points- the Alpha and Omega- which allow the system you call "relativity" to be. Without these two points, without these two ideas about things, no other idea could exist.
Every human thought, and every human action, is based in either love or fear. There is no other human motivation, and all other ideas are but derivatives of these two. They are simply different versions- different twists on the same theme.
Think on this deeply and you will see that it is true. This is what I have called the Sponsoring Thought. It is either a thought of love or fear. This is the thought behind the thought behind the thought. It is the first thought. It is prime force. It is the raw energy that drives the engine of human existance.
And here is how human behavior produces repeat existance after repeat existance; it is why humans love, then destroy, then love again: always there is the swing from one emotion to the other. Love sponsors fear sponsors love sponsors fear...
...And the reason is found in the first lie- the lie which you hold as the truth about God- that God cannot be trusted; that God's love cannot be depended upon; that God's acceptance of you is conditional; that the ultimate outcome is thus in doubt. For if you cannot depend on God's love to always be there, on whose love can you depend? If God retreats and withdraws when you do not perform properly, will not mere mortals also?
...And so it is that in the moment you pledge your highest love, you greet your greatest fear.
For the first thing you worry about after saying "I love you" is whether you'll hear it back. And if you hear it back, then you begin immediately to worry that the love you have just found, you will lose. And so all action becomes a reaction- defense against loss- even as you seek to defend yourself against the loss of God.
Yet if you knew Who You Are- that you are the most magnificent, the most remakable, the most splendid being God has ever created- you would never fear. For who could reject such wondrous magnificance? Not even God could find fault in such a being."
Conversations with God an Uncommon Dialogue
-Neale Donald Walsch
This book is truly profound and I cannot stop reading it. I hope you have enjoyed this passage. All my love, Lisa
These are the two points- the Alpha and Omega- which allow the system you call "relativity" to be. Without these two points, without these two ideas about things, no other idea could exist.
Every human thought, and every human action, is based in either love or fear. There is no other human motivation, and all other ideas are but derivatives of these two. They are simply different versions- different twists on the same theme.
Think on this deeply and you will see that it is true. This is what I have called the Sponsoring Thought. It is either a thought of love or fear. This is the thought behind the thought behind the thought. It is the first thought. It is prime force. It is the raw energy that drives the engine of human existance.
And here is how human behavior produces repeat existance after repeat existance; it is why humans love, then destroy, then love again: always there is the swing from one emotion to the other. Love sponsors fear sponsors love sponsors fear...
...And the reason is found in the first lie- the lie which you hold as the truth about God- that God cannot be trusted; that God's love cannot be depended upon; that God's acceptance of you is conditional; that the ultimate outcome is thus in doubt. For if you cannot depend on God's love to always be there, on whose love can you depend? If God retreats and withdraws when you do not perform properly, will not mere mortals also?
...And so it is that in the moment you pledge your highest love, you greet your greatest fear.
For the first thing you worry about after saying "I love you" is whether you'll hear it back. And if you hear it back, then you begin immediately to worry that the love you have just found, you will lose. And so all action becomes a reaction- defense against loss- even as you seek to defend yourself against the loss of God.
Yet if you knew Who You Are- that you are the most magnificent, the most remakable, the most splendid being God has ever created- you would never fear. For who could reject such wondrous magnificance? Not even God could find fault in such a being."
Conversations with God an Uncommon Dialogue
-Neale Donald Walsch
This book is truly profound and I cannot stop reading it. I hope you have enjoyed this passage. All my love, Lisa
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
What my hamstrings are teaching me!
Ahhhh, hamstrings oh hamstrings. Right hamstrings to be exact. I injured them in March of last year. I knew it was an injury. There was a POP and pain. I did not understand how, because I was just gently stretching, but it happened. I did not feel any pain walking or doing anything else other than stretching, which I refrained from for the next 6 weeks until it healed. I iced a couple of times a day, I took care of myself. Then it was better and I went back to "business as usual", but always with care of the hamstrings. From time to time I would feel a little something going on in there as I folded forward into Uttanasana or some other deep hamstring stretch, and I would back off.
I started massage school in May, and over the next 6 months of being there I had several different classmates work on my hamstrings. Massage is great for an injury, I knew, and if there was any scar tissues or any adhesions there that massage would help. I try to take care of myself, ya know.
Now, in my yoga practice I am not someone who feels a need to push myself into crazy positions that my body is not ready for and may never be ready for. It is not important for me to get into lotus, or hanuman asana, or countless others. This does not mean that I do not push my body to its limits and even a little beyond. I push, I push with respect to where I am at. And I do not have any ideas about what I "should" be able to do. We have discussions about these people during our YogaWorks training weekends, the extreme pushers. The ones who just need to keep doing vinyasas even though their posture is sloppy due to fatigue. As an instructor I see them all the time. I offer 2 variatons to a pose and they choose the more difficult option and struggle. I approach and tell them they should try the first variation and I get the response "No, I can DO IT!". Sigh.... Now, I fully understand these people. I have been one of these people in the past. As we have these discussions in our YogaWorks group many of us recognize (and giggle at) times that we have or do demonstrate these qualities at times.
So, during our last trainig weekend, which was Jan. 9, 10 & 11; something happened. We were backbending on Friday. I love backbending. I do it often. It is something I am "good at". But later Friday evening I felt some agitation in my right hamstrings. That old injury. That's ok I thought, after a good night's rest they'll be fine. Saturday morning came and I felt my hamstrings a little, but nothing to worry about. I know my body and I could be careful to modify, right? So I went through our practice on Saturday, modifying so as not to overstretch my right hamstring toooo much. By Saturday night I needed ice. Pain. Dammit! Why!! Why this weekend??? One more day of yoga to experience, this can't happen!!!!
So I had to go in on Sunday morning and tell my teacher that something was wrong with my hamstrings. That I had to be really careful and could not do everything. Of course this is perfectly fine with him, but it certainly isn't fine with me.
I already had a massage scheduled for Sunday evening, which I as feeling very thankful for! We can just work on my hamstrings, and then everything will be fine!
I was a complete emotional mess Sunday evening. My poor friend who came to give me a massage got hit with it before he even got his foot in the door. Yoga weekends are always intense, there are many releases from the body and we also dig deep into the Yoga Sutras. We spend alot of time together bonding and then it is over. That is sad enough. Now add an injury and my reaction to it.
My poor friend. Thank you for listening and understanding!
The massage did not fix my hamstrings. That's ok, I can accept this, I told myself. I started icing twice a day and I did not excercise at all for 2 days. I scheduled another massage for Thursday with another friend. I did yoga on Wednesday and left my hamstrings alone. Then I took a few days off from any excercise again. I started eating sugar again. Chocolate will make me feel better, I told myself.
The big question that I couldn't stop asking myself, and my 2 friends that were kind enough to work on my hamstrings, was HOW did I even do this to myself and WHY did this happen again (ok that's 2 questions). They both pointed out that maybe my hamstrings still have a lesson to teach me. They also both asked if it was really important how it happened, or to rephrase, why it was so important to me how it happened.
Now the irony of this situation is not lost on me. "I'm not one of those people that needs to push myself, I accept where I am at physically", yet I could not accept this injury! How is this different than trying to push myself into lotus? Hmmm....
Yesterday I went to check out the new Go Primal Fitness gym. This place is awesome! Check it out! Train there, take a class, do it all. At least visit their website http://www.goprimalfitness.com/. Vincent asked if I wanted to train and I told him about my injury. BTW Vince, I hope you don't mind me using your name, I didn't figure you would after the Go Primal plug. Anyway, Vincent offered to take a look and help me figure out what was going on in there. After a couple of resistance tests it was easy for him to see that I definitely tore the muscle (way back in March) and that scar tissue had laid itself down to fix the tear. Scar tissue does not have the same integrity of muscle and unless addressed I will continue on in a viscious cycle of re-tearing that area (more scar tissue, more tearing, etc.). I should be happy at this point that I at least know what is going on. And even happier that Vincent has offered to work with me on fixing it. And even happier that it should only take a few sessions and that it is fixable. Okay, I am. Truly GRATEFUL! But I still feel like sulking a little. I want it to never have happened!
I hear myself telling Vincent that I haven't been working out at all lately and asking him what I can do without working my hamstrings.
What a dumb question! As soon as we start discussing excercises a million things fill my head. Why, all of the sudden, do I feel my hamstrings are the only muscles in my body?
Just a few months ago I was dilligently working on my handstands. I love handstands! I also love headstands. I can work on all my inversions, what better time! Better yet, maybe I should take on pinch mayurasana, my enigma inversion. Work on something that I DON'T like as much.
So I begin this day with a smile. This afternoon Vincent is going to begin breaking up the scar tissue in my hamstrings and retraining the muscle fibers to go in the same direction.
And this evening I am going to work on pincha mayurasana!
I started massage school in May, and over the next 6 months of being there I had several different classmates work on my hamstrings. Massage is great for an injury, I knew, and if there was any scar tissues or any adhesions there that massage would help. I try to take care of myself, ya know.
Now, in my yoga practice I am not someone who feels a need to push myself into crazy positions that my body is not ready for and may never be ready for. It is not important for me to get into lotus, or hanuman asana, or countless others. This does not mean that I do not push my body to its limits and even a little beyond. I push, I push with respect to where I am at. And I do not have any ideas about what I "should" be able to do. We have discussions about these people during our YogaWorks training weekends, the extreme pushers. The ones who just need to keep doing vinyasas even though their posture is sloppy due to fatigue. As an instructor I see them all the time. I offer 2 variatons to a pose and they choose the more difficult option and struggle. I approach and tell them they should try the first variation and I get the response "No, I can DO IT!". Sigh.... Now, I fully understand these people. I have been one of these people in the past. As we have these discussions in our YogaWorks group many of us recognize (and giggle at) times that we have or do demonstrate these qualities at times.
So, during our last trainig weekend, which was Jan. 9, 10 & 11; something happened. We were backbending on Friday. I love backbending. I do it often. It is something I am "good at". But later Friday evening I felt some agitation in my right hamstrings. That old injury. That's ok I thought, after a good night's rest they'll be fine. Saturday morning came and I felt my hamstrings a little, but nothing to worry about. I know my body and I could be careful to modify, right? So I went through our practice on Saturday, modifying so as not to overstretch my right hamstring toooo much. By Saturday night I needed ice. Pain. Dammit! Why!! Why this weekend??? One more day of yoga to experience, this can't happen!!!!
So I had to go in on Sunday morning and tell my teacher that something was wrong with my hamstrings. That I had to be really careful and could not do everything. Of course this is perfectly fine with him, but it certainly isn't fine with me.
I already had a massage scheduled for Sunday evening, which I as feeling very thankful for! We can just work on my hamstrings, and then everything will be fine!
I was a complete emotional mess Sunday evening. My poor friend who came to give me a massage got hit with it before he even got his foot in the door. Yoga weekends are always intense, there are many releases from the body and we also dig deep into the Yoga Sutras. We spend alot of time together bonding and then it is over. That is sad enough. Now add an injury and my reaction to it.
My poor friend. Thank you for listening and understanding!
The massage did not fix my hamstrings. That's ok, I can accept this, I told myself. I started icing twice a day and I did not excercise at all for 2 days. I scheduled another massage for Thursday with another friend. I did yoga on Wednesday and left my hamstrings alone. Then I took a few days off from any excercise again. I started eating sugar again. Chocolate will make me feel better, I told myself.
The big question that I couldn't stop asking myself, and my 2 friends that were kind enough to work on my hamstrings, was HOW did I even do this to myself and WHY did this happen again (ok that's 2 questions). They both pointed out that maybe my hamstrings still have a lesson to teach me. They also both asked if it was really important how it happened, or to rephrase, why it was so important to me how it happened.
Now the irony of this situation is not lost on me. "I'm not one of those people that needs to push myself, I accept where I am at physically", yet I could not accept this injury! How is this different than trying to push myself into lotus? Hmmm....
Yesterday I went to check out the new Go Primal Fitness gym. This place is awesome! Check it out! Train there, take a class, do it all. At least visit their website http://www.goprimalfitness.com/. Vincent asked if I wanted to train and I told him about my injury. BTW Vince, I hope you don't mind me using your name, I didn't figure you would after the Go Primal plug. Anyway, Vincent offered to take a look and help me figure out what was going on in there. After a couple of resistance tests it was easy for him to see that I definitely tore the muscle (way back in March) and that scar tissue had laid itself down to fix the tear. Scar tissue does not have the same integrity of muscle and unless addressed I will continue on in a viscious cycle of re-tearing that area (more scar tissue, more tearing, etc.). I should be happy at this point that I at least know what is going on. And even happier that Vincent has offered to work with me on fixing it. And even happier that it should only take a few sessions and that it is fixable. Okay, I am. Truly GRATEFUL! But I still feel like sulking a little. I want it to never have happened!
I hear myself telling Vincent that I haven't been working out at all lately and asking him what I can do without working my hamstrings.
What a dumb question! As soon as we start discussing excercises a million things fill my head. Why, all of the sudden, do I feel my hamstrings are the only muscles in my body?
Just a few months ago I was dilligently working on my handstands. I love handstands! I also love headstands. I can work on all my inversions, what better time! Better yet, maybe I should take on pinch mayurasana, my enigma inversion. Work on something that I DON'T like as much.
So I begin this day with a smile. This afternoon Vincent is going to begin breaking up the scar tissue in my hamstrings and retraining the muscle fibers to go in the same direction.
And this evening I am going to work on pincha mayurasana!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Lately I've had several people ask me
If I have read any of Eckhart Tolle's books. Usually this question comes after I have confessed to feeling badly, or sad, about something going on in my life. Each friend enthusiastically tells me that if I just listen to what Eckhart Tolle says that I would realize I have nothing to be upset about, that I could just "be here now" and not be affected by the worries of what has been and what may be. I truly appreciate these words of wisdom, and the enthusiasm of the friend sharing them with me. I love that Eckhart Tolle and his books have become so popularized. He is sharing an amazing and wonderful truth. The fact that the message he is sending is being received by the masses is a defininte sign that the level of human consciousness is ready to and indeed IS expanding. This is a great sign for all humanity!
The thing is, though, that Eckhart Tolle is not the first person to discover and share these teachings. These teachings are similar to the practices of the Taoists, Buddhists, Yogis, Tibetans, and many other ancient traditions. You can find many words of wisdom in ancient texts such as The Yoga Sutras if Patanjali, the Indian "Vedas" including the Upanishads and Bhagavad Gita, as well as many current books such as written by the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hahn and many others.
Many have been practicing mindfulness and being present way before Eckhart Tolle. And THAT is the important thing to note... that it is a PRACTICE. It does take effort on the part of the practitioner. And to quote Pattabi Jois "practice practice all is coming". I don't like the saying "practice makes perfect", because what exactly is perfection?
I am happy for all who are just learning the message of being present, and appreciate Eckhart Tolle (and OPRAH) for being the catalyst to help expand the human consciousness. With any new found thing comes much excitement and zeal, much enthusiasm.
As life and also the same texts that teach us how to overcome our human suffering tell us, there are many causes of human suffering and it is difficult to overcome them. So, as someone who has been practicing for awhile, I still at times fall prey to my "pain body" though I do not relate to the pain as much as I would have in the past.
I smile when my friends share with me how easy it is for me to overcome my issues, as I remember feeling a same sense of enthusiasm as they at one time. It does help to bring me back to the simplicicty of it all.
And I hope that after some time of incorporating practices of mindfulness into their lives, when they are confronted with challenges they have a friend nearby that will ask them if they have read anything by Eckhart Tolle lately.
The thing is, though, that Eckhart Tolle is not the first person to discover and share these teachings. These teachings are similar to the practices of the Taoists, Buddhists, Yogis, Tibetans, and many other ancient traditions. You can find many words of wisdom in ancient texts such as The Yoga Sutras if Patanjali, the Indian "Vedas" including the Upanishads and Bhagavad Gita, as well as many current books such as written by the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hahn and many others.
Many have been practicing mindfulness and being present way before Eckhart Tolle. And THAT is the important thing to note... that it is a PRACTICE. It does take effort on the part of the practitioner. And to quote Pattabi Jois "practice practice all is coming". I don't like the saying "practice makes perfect", because what exactly is perfection?
I am happy for all who are just learning the message of being present, and appreciate Eckhart Tolle (and OPRAH) for being the catalyst to help expand the human consciousness. With any new found thing comes much excitement and zeal, much enthusiasm.
As life and also the same texts that teach us how to overcome our human suffering tell us, there are many causes of human suffering and it is difficult to overcome them. So, as someone who has been practicing for awhile, I still at times fall prey to my "pain body" though I do not relate to the pain as much as I would have in the past.
I smile when my friends share with me how easy it is for me to overcome my issues, as I remember feeling a same sense of enthusiasm as they at one time. It does help to bring me back to the simplicicty of it all.
And I hope that after some time of incorporating practices of mindfulness into their lives, when they are confronted with challenges they have a friend nearby that will ask them if they have read anything by Eckhart Tolle lately.
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